Hi, my lovelies! I just sat down at my desk and started my normal morning ritual: coffee, expressing gratitude, lighting incense, and pulling cards. This card (in photo) got me thinking about how we manage the fear of pain. Most of us don’t have a pain-management plan because it’s not fun to even think about and I get it. You know what else isn’t fun? Living in pain because you gave up on yourself.
I know from coaching hundreds of people a main factor in NOT trying is because there’s an underlining belief that potential failure will result in soul-crushing, unbearable pain and so it’s better to just avoid the disaster, right? Nope and here is why: The potential of failure is blinding you from building resilience and achieving success.
You’re in a wild brainstorm, babes, and it’s time to level-up your swimming.
Your fears demand a response, will you change your circumstances or change yourself? True safety is found from within, from your center you will be able to weather any emotional storm — even the painful ones. You see, there is a fundamental way of swimming when the waters are choppy and I’m pretty sure the swan dive isn’t the move.
Your mind is offering you a gift — the recognition of a threat so exquisitely imagined you think it’s real and yet there is no pain in the moment right now.
Said differently, it's irrational to assume you can’t learn as you go. It’s irrational to assume you need a perfect plan in order to keep going. It’s irrational to assume you should just avoid thinking about this problem further.
You think you need those things to prevent pain. *smirks* your old pal, powerlessness is back.
A reminder:
You are competent — you’ve gotten this far!
You create options — again, you’ve gotten this far!
You don’t act like a person ready to give up because you’ve kept going. Why would your amazing characteristics just disappear?
Instead of getting used to the fear of pain, you can learn how to direct it for your passion, purpose and evolution because that’s a good pain management plan.
Go back to the basics and reserve your most precious resource — you. Shake off the worry of failure because you owe it to yourself to keep going, despite how you feel because feelings aren’t facts.
You were not born powerless, worthless, or unlovable. It’s not even up for debate so don’t entertain it.
Failure often makes you feeling inadequate, as a result, you may isolate and start to punish yourself with a shame spiral. Feeling like you have failed is different versus feeling like a failure. The potential of failing is a threat to the part of you that feels like a failure — it’s a direct line of communication to your past self that needs tending.
Focus on your breathing. Focus on taking it one step at a time. Focus on the mastery of dissolving your fear by swimming with it. No, you never get used to the turbulence, the loud roar, and the crashing waves but you do learn how to lean in and trust you are safe enough to give it your best shot.
Babes, you’ve always been the type of person that has what it takes! The evidence speaks for itself so stay focused on what you can control and double down on the self-compassion.